What I’ve Learned On Fear:

As someone who has avoided fear most of my life, learning to embrace it has given me an “Ah ha” moment of late. Through doing stuff that stretches me out of my comfort zone I notice I go through the following stages:

1. Nervous fear “Why am I doing this? How can I get out of it?”
2. I hate this! Why am I doing this to myself!

And then, as long as I don’t quit, one of three things will happen:

A)   I will make a huge mistake, fuck up, feel humiliated, but learn something that I wouldn’t have ever learned if I hadn’t of failed, or;

B)   I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and get through it. Stronger for it, or;

C)   I will achieve something awesome. Something I never imagined I was capable of doing. A feeling likened to walking on water.

And the more I do it, the more I yearn for option C. It’s addictive! Like surfing!  [I imagine] Once you catch that perfect wave, it’s worth the wait, fear, sunburn, sharks etc. 

Also, there’s a point reached where a strange phenomenon can occur. Where I literally break through my fear. Is it surrendering? It feels like ‘letting go’. Whatever it is, it gives me fearlessness, freedom and an immediate sense of calm.  Like I’ve just entered the Matirx – and everything is easy. 

My "fear of choice", is doing improvised theatre. And while most scenes make my stomach churn, a good one will be when I crack the Matrix – and am living in my subconscious. If I try and recall what happened – it’s a total blur.  Every time I do this, I get a high that nothing else can touch on. Does anyone know what I’m talking about?

The thing I have to remember (which is so easy to forget!) - is I can’t ever reach that break through moment…. without feeling the fear before hand. So when ever I’m really scared – I have to realise, that unless I’m being chased by a cerial killer, then this fear is actually a very good thing. So without further ado, please always remind me, that in this life: Aim for the fear, instead of avoiding it.