You Know You're an Aussie in NY when... #9

How soon the whirl-pool like motion of the toilet flush in the northern hemisphere looses it' charm.

More often than not, I find myself elbow deep in a toilet bowl, plunging away to unclog it. Be it at work, at Ada's or at my writing space, I use the plunger on monthly basis - something I NEVER had to do in Australia, where obviously our toilet's function at a higher level of sophistication.

Did I mention there are no sanitary bins here? Oh the cultural differences!

Uggggh. 

You Know You're an Aussie in NY when... #8

You watch new Aussie’s fresh of the boat, trying to tip at a bar.

American’s buy a drink, and smack a $1 note on the bench. The bar tender may not take it for a good 5 minutes, so it just sits there, untouched, to be collected eventually when things are quiet.

This is highly disconcerting for us Aussies. It appears the bar tender did not notice the precious dollar we are trying to give them, and now they want us to leave it on the bar for someone else to take. Which is exactly what would happen if you left a dollar on the bar in Australia. “Look! A dollar!” Yoink.

So instead, we hold our tip up in the air and wave it at the disappearing bar tender, as if to say:

“Look – here, a dollar! I’m leaving this for you. Come get it before someone takes it, or I change my mind.”

As the bar tender continues to ignores us, we have no choice but to place it on the counter, and rather than leave, we stay and wait to catch their eye again. We then point to the note and nod, so they know we are not leaving without them seeing us tip. We’d hate them to think we were doing a good old-fashioned “Aussie Runner.” 

Americans are so trusting in that way. They know nothing of our convict past, and treat us like we’re all adults. ;)

You Know You're an Aussie in NY when... #7

- You just took a video of a rat in the subway. (The real splinter!)

- People assume you are a crazy binge drinker. (Everyone wants to party with me. It’s cool actually.)

- You can’t stop telling people that the New Zealand accent originated from an English settler who had a speech impediment.

- You’ve never felt angry before in your life, but now you’re constantly 1 button-push away from being extremely pissed off. (Yes this is true of New Yorkers!)

- You’ve started to realize that talking to your self is acceptable.

- When people ask what crime your ancestor’s committed, you have a list of made-up felonies at the ready. (l tend to stick with bestiality)

You Know You're an Aussie in NY when... #6

You’re standing on the sidewalk, and you notice a big pool of water in the gutter. Then a taxi drives past and sprays dirty street water all over you. And instead of acting like a New Yorker and yelling “AWE!! FUCKING GREAT! WHAT AN ASSHOLE!”, you turn and grin! -- Desperately looking around to see if anyone else noticed that you just had a “magical movie moment!!!”

"This was just like in the movies!!!" you think, still smiling. Just like SJP in the opening credits of Sex in the City! Or other movies I can’t recall. I’m living the true fantasy!

Ahh Haa Haa… Mwa…..sniffle cry.

You Know You're an Aussie in NY when... #5

Tampons! Where are the cute little Libra boxes with funky designs that change with the season? Instead there are only applicator types, that come individually wrapped in the same exact material they use to wrap chocolate bars in.

So now every time I open my handbag I have to fight the urge to rip open a brightly wrapped tampon and eat it.

You Know You're an Aussie in NY when... #4

You know you’re an Aussie in NY when you ask for a lemon lime and bitters at the bar, and the barman says "you want what? A lemon lime and Guinness?"

You Know You're an Aussie in NY when... #2

Last night, I went to the Upright Citizen’s Brigade theatre, and I had some time to kill before hand. So I walked into this dvd store across the road. Three older heavy-set guys turned and stared, and as I strolled in, eager to check out how much dvds cost to rent here. It was then that I noticed a heap of merchandise stacked next to the cashier. With a slow, and unwilling realisation, I discovered they were oversized dildos and sex toys. Oh dear…. I was in hardcore porn store. That explained the pretty neon lights. Spinning round in a blur and exiting the building I had a chuckle… this was the second time I’ve done this, this week… no joke.