My Aunt-Ada would like me to stay: “YOU MUST FIND A MAN AND MARRY!! (*pause*) I’m serious!” she’ll yell. "But - HE MUST BE GOOD LOOKING!!!" Ahhh, a woman after my own heart.
Most of me is very happy to be going back to Melbourne in Feb
Most of me is very happy to be going back to Melbourne in Feb
I can’t wait to have:
- a proper bed
- a full length mirror
- an apartment I enjoy going back to
- old friends
- old friends
- family
- trams
- trams
But part of me also thinks – how on earth will I survive without this:
(Where I practically live)
And this:
(Sephora Make Up - where you can try, try, try and no one bugs you!)
And Central Park:
The view on the other side of the fence:
(How can I possibly jog anywhere else?)
Thinking long term; it will be nice to know one can afford a better lifestyle in Melbs than one can here – without working your guts out, or moving so far out of Manhattan that it’s not worth it. But what about atmosphere?!?
Am I taking the easy, safe option by going back? (My old job is waiting.)
I don’t want to stay and become one of those semi-successful, yet unfulfilled single, ladies with a cat. But I also don’t want to be one of those board, stretched work-mums, who has no time to do her hair!
I don’t want to stay and become one of those semi-successful, yet unfulfilled single, ladies with a cat. But I also don’t want to be one of those board, stretched work-mums, who has no time to do her hair!
What do I do? Can I even stay in NY? Will I regret not trying?
Walking down the streets of NY fills me with inspiration, intense emotions and even loneliness (which is bliss for writing) but it’s also daunting. There seems to be a million people - a million times better at everything I want to do. Shouldn’t I base myself somewhere to build contacts and friends for the long term? Careerwise - this makes sense! After all – it IS who you know. And it does excite me thinking of trying my luck in a smaller, pond in Oz.
What’s more important family? Career opportunities? Close friends or inspiration? I do love the people here. But where is home for me?
All these conflicting thoughts are swirling through my brain, with no clear answers. I hope it shows its self to me. Perhaps I’ll do as Oprah does, and get real quiet… then have a listen to my gut instincts.
Even just saying the word ‘gut instinct’ makes me think of Melbourne. (And Itally / Paris for some reason.) Interesting.
Has anyone’s gut feeling ever led them astray?
Dear Ally K,
ReplyDeleteThis is on my toilet wall at home. I love to spend time looking at it..Unfortunately it's always when I'm on the toilet which takes the romance out of it a little. Despite this I find it helps me greatly in times of indecision,stress, self doubt and loneliness. I want you to particularly read the first line of the second paragraph which relates to something you said.
In response to your question...I've never regretted following my gut instinct. I also find peace in knowing that nothing is permenant. You can also change your mind. x
Desiderata - by Max Ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann c.1920
Gem x
Stay!! write a screenplay and get it picked up and then i'll come over and we'll make it famous!! xo
ReplyDeleteAlly K....you have a decision to make, but as Gem said, not all decisions are permanent.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should stay a while longer and see where things go, if your not enjoying it come back.
If I were to be selfish, I would say def come back, only bc I miss you like crazy and can't wait to see you again, but you need to be happy with where you are at in life, and if your unsure about what will make you happy, you just have to try something new and see what happens!
You are an amazing writer and I know you will make it whether in NY or in Oz.
Al! I say STAY! I was a teeny tiny fish in a rather large pond in Sydney. I'm a slightly bigger tiny fish in a much smaller pond in Wellington. I can't WAIT to be any kind of fish in the massive New York ocean.
ReplyDeleteYes, I know - the grass is always greener.. But life is too short babe - do what excites you, do what challenges you, don't play the safe option - the safe option is boring.
And as the others have said, you can always change your mind..
I hope you're still there when I eventually get my butt over there!
xx
I'm with Ali... I think you should stay - I do not believe you have by any means explored all the opportunities that are out there. And so bloody what if some people are better than you - it's all about persistence! They may be talented but lazy, which means they won't pursue the opportunities you are RUNNING after. I think you would quickly bore back in Oz, particularly if you are doing something you've done before, and that hasn't 100% grabbed you and excited you. I don't believe a great, exciting life is about the road less travelled. Worrying about being a bitter old woman seems rather redundant if you've pursued your passion. However, I can totally understand your fear.
ReplyDeletePlus. I want you there when I go over! If I get there... I'll have a pull out couch for you - and it will be made for 2 people. And your feet won't poke out the end!!!
I don't think your gut instinct will ever lead you astray.
ReplyDeleteEven more applicable to you AK because you've had your whole life's worth of perceiving experience to fine tune your sensing and instinctual skills. In fact, I doubt you've ever made a decision not based on your gut feelings. If that's how you've made your decisions at every cross-roads up until this point, well those instincts are bound to be bang on. Everytime.
It's the 'intro' advantage.
T-Bird. X
Wow - thanks for the comments guys!
ReplyDeleteI really love them. I'm still in indecision, but it's nice to hear other's perspectives! And T-bird - I wish I could say I follow my gut all the time. But sometimes I'm afraid my gut may lead me into homelessness! I'm currently applying for a job that a friend has vacated. That will either give me more or less options. Fingers crossed.
Yeah it's led me to homelessness a few times too! I say feel the fear and do it anyway!
ReplyDeleteFingers and toes for the job love!
T-Bird.
X