The Other Woman Speaks Out on Oprah

(From the Oprah Show)

Last night The Oprah Show interviewed three former married men’s mistresses, and one who is still in a relationship with a married man. (Link to interview)

Below are my take-aways.  I’m hoping they will spare me from wasting time thinking about lost causes in the future, because these lessons seem to apply to any kind of relationship:

1)  You will never get the time back that you spent on someone who in reality keeps you in second place. (Ouch. This was the biggest regret from the women interviewed.)

2)  All the men made these women feel special, and made extensive plans with them for a future together, even though they never left their wives.

3) You wouldn’t go out to a bar looking for someone who would only give you 30% of their time / love / attention, would you? (Or would you?)

4)  If you’re dating a man who is cheating on their wife, who’s to say they are not going to cheat on you. (It’s very common for mistresses to be cheated on.)

I’ve written pages and pages in my diary about my thoughts on cheating because sometimes I feel conflicted about the topic. It’s become far too common for it to be so black and white, so I'm hoping to gain some more clarity in the future. Seeing this show has certainly helped.

Lessons from Relationships Past

Note to self:

1.  Never take friendships for granted. Always make an effort to nurture and maintain friendships, even if it means sacrificing time with your partner.

2.  Have your own life, and don’t feel guilty about it. You don’t have to spend every spare minute with them. It’s actually just an excuse you’re using because you don’t want to do the work required to have your own thing happening.

3.  Ask for it. Ask for what you want. Tell them what you’re needs are – and a straight forward, positive and loving manner. Just lay it all on the table.

4.  Choose someone who is independent, driven and has an inner confidence. Someone who grounds you, rather than adding fuel to the fire.

5.  Don’t be lazy. Just because someone else can do something better than you, doesn’t give you permission to take the back seat all the time. Step up to the plate and grow together.