Up Late Adventures #5

Saturday night, Anya and I went on a 'dance-a-thon' in the East Village and accidentally got let into a bar called ‘The Box’ thinking it was ‘Homesweet Home.’

After handing over my taxi fare home for a vodka cranberry, we looked around and realized it was no ordinary place. We were  surround by tall beautiful women and a few lucky men. The curtain went up on a small stage and three girls in a bath towels emerged from a thick fog. With a shake of their head, their towels flew off (their heads) to reveal long perfectly tousled locks which flicked around as they danced. A man was then chosen from the audience, the curtain closed, and when it reopened, he on his back with the three girls on top pretending to hump him.

The curtain closed again and the host dressed in a sequined red bra and fishnets told us we were all on cocaine. The curtain re-opened and there was a large muscular woman tied with ducktape to a chair, with a bag over her head. The Duck tape was wrapped around and around her body, cutting into her breasts, and delicately pinning her penis to her upper thigh.

She struggled like a wild animal to burst out of the tape, before standing up to reveal a beer bottle lodged up her rectum. She removed it and danced around oddly like a drunk gorilla doing an impersonation of The Hulk, before ramming the beer bottle back up her butt for the grand finale. For some reason I recorded this on my camera. Perhaps it will come in handy one day when my grandchildren think I’m boring.

The next act was rather tame in comparison. 2 people using cross-bows to shoot apples off each other’s heads.

I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the show, although the highlight of the evening was back on the Piano’s dance floor, when a boy asked me if I was a professional dancer. (!!) (We were having an impromptu dance off.)

“I can’t match your moves” he panted.

“Damn straight” I said, touching the floor, then shoving a beer bottle up my butt.

Kidding! It was a vodka cranberry.

Seriously though, the tiny crowded piano’s dance floor is where it’s at. That’s where it’s my turn to perform!