Ada Update

I haven’t written about Ada for some time now. Towards the end of last year, I read a book called The 36hr Day, about dementia and it changed everything; how I view her, how I talked to her, how I listen and respond.

I no longer fear her. I now understand that when your brain is clogged with plaque, you often feel scared and confused and frustrated as all hell.  And when you’re trying to express or rationalise that, it can come out all wrong.

When she yells “You are the devil! This is mine! I hate everything! I have nothing!” I hold her, and I say “I know. I understand. I know you don’t feel like you used to.” Or her favourite; “I know you don’t belong here.” And she’s often so grateful that someone ‘gets her’, instead of arguing, that she gets teary and hugs me.

This morning I went in and lay with Ada. (I do this when I want a sleep in, and her nurse is up). She turned to me and said “I can’t learn anything new.” It was a moment of clarity, like when someone from a foreign country says “I don’t speak English well,” but they say it in perfect English, which makes you momentarily doubt what they’re saying.