Back To It

I wrote this in transit back to NY:

My holiday to Australia for visa reasons, has given me the equivalent feeling of receiving a never ending massage: Chats over hot tea and desert with family and dear friends T-bird & Gem in Melbourne; Meeting a close friend’s baby, who was born just after I left for New York, and who’s cheery nature seems so familiar to me, that our bond is immediate. (Genetics must have more to do with personality than I thought.); Driving my car on the freeway; Falling in love with a grey cat named “Genghis” (spelling?) who attacked my foot in the middle of the night, after watching me sleep for a couple of hours. Four whole days in the Whitsunday’s on a boat with my parents, a ride in Sal’s new car, a night at the pub with my favorite Edger’s and; Coffee with Chelsea before my flight back. And not one fight with mum. Horary!

It has all restored my senses, left me a tad of sunburnt, and almost heeled my lingering cough.

Now I must brace for my trip back to New York. Back to Ada and the guilt I now feel around her carer’s for having a job that pays a lot more than they will ever earn, despite being a lot easier than looking after someone with Alzheimers. Back to the fun task of looking for an apartment in a city where renting a shoebox to live in makes affording shoes to put in it impossible. Back to what feels like a daily struggle to survive the unruly weather, the crowds of people and the over whelming feeling of trying to ‘make it’ in New York.

I feel trite to complain, because I should feel lucky. Plus there is an element of excitement that balances out my anxiety. What if I write something fantastic? What if I meet someone special? What if I see a celebrity on the street, and they ask me to be their confidant on their upcoming holiday in Italy, so I can complete my life’s goal.

I refuse to get sucked into the daily grind of work, and stop dreaming. I like some degree of risk, uncertainly, struggle at this time in my life. I do want to live an extraordinary existence. And I do still ache for adventure.