A friend, Ali posed the question, “Is there anything you fear being labeled as?” in her wonderful blog post titled Anything But Beige.
In New York (& probably other places) – being beige is called being “Vanilla.”
To me it represents one of my biggest fears: “The fear of being boring.” This, coupled with fear of “wanting to fit in,” has led me to some interesting life choices over the years.
Like:
- smoking pot to impress boys
- getting busy in a car when I so wasn’t into it
- trying my bed sheets together to climb over the balcony of my two story flat
- staying out when I wanted to be home
- playing team sports
- watching movies / listening to music I didn’t like
- often living in self perpetuated insecurity
And the real reason I fear I’m boring? I often find I have little energy to contribute to large social situations, and I can get ‘socially lazy.
A wise T-bird once told me - extroverts get their energy from large groups of people. Introverts get their energy from being alone, or having more intimate exchanges. That’s how these two personality types recharge. (This explains so much! Thank you T-bird!)
I feel some extraverts assume innies are shy or snobby, the same way some introverts assume extroverts are obnoxious and domineering. Just a misunderstanding of personality types really. I’ve always beat myself up over not being more outgoing in large groups, but I never thought to say “Hey good job on the D&M’s you have in small groups. You Rock at that!” Also, Obama is rumored to be an innie. Go team introvert!
My ex-boyfriend used to whine: “Why aren’t you the crazy colourful Ally I know at home, when we go out to parties or networking events?” This used to hurt my feelings. But he’s an extravert. He will never understand. Also, I hadn’t realized how a little thing like a coffee before a dinner party, or a redbull before a pub can work wonders. And if I really want to pass over to how the other side lives, then there’s always tequila ;)
That said, I know moderation is key, and that’s easy now that I’m at peace with being an innie. I'd be lying if I said I still didn't fear being labeled 'vanilla' anymore, but at least part of me knows I have nothing to worry about. This blog has helped me realise that, and with so much more color to show... well you'd better stay tuned!
Ally I hear you! I am most definitely an introvert and I'm positive that's exactly where my fear of being boring (or beige) came from. All the exciting, interesting people were extroverts in my mind.
ReplyDeleteBut sometimes it's good to get out of your comfort zone because you never know how much fun you might have - you can surprise yourself sometimes. But you also have to be true to yourself. There's no point trying to be someone you're not just to 'fit in'. I've tried that and failed miserably, so now i'm just me and now have so much more confidence in myself because I've met others like me who are so much fun to be around. When you're comfortable with yourself and you know your limits and you understand what you can handle in social situations, you'll have so much more fun.
I still refrain from going to big parties sometimes when I know I'll only know two or three people because I know I'll be anxious and want to go home as soon as I arrive. I'd much rather not go at all than leave early, so you just have to take these things on a case by case basis depending on the mood you're in..
Geez what a ramble!!! About time I update my own blog eh instead of writing all over yours ;)
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I have recently spend some time on this issue as well...the question which did intrest me was: in a scale from 1 to 10 how weird are you? that was actually the question asked by one of the employer at the job interview...the point is: being beige is similar to being weird....there is a positive connotation! no one is boring, pale, or without colour. each person is unique! I also have to admit that this is NYC which taught me to perceive my unique color :) I like to stay home and be with myslef from time to time! and I am not ashamed to admit it!
ReplyDeletegood luck Ally !
Thanks guys! Ali I didn't know you were an innie! Isn't getting older awesome in that way. Monika, I agree with you on New York. I've learned the art of flying solo here, and I love it. It's something i never used to do back home, but it seems to be common and acceptable. There's plenty of people dining for one, and before I know it, I've made a new friend.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this post and LOVE the comments! Pretty much one of my favourite topic to talk/read about. AK you are so far from boring it's ridiculous. If anyone reading this hasn't heard about the 'lighting bolt', ask Ally next time you see her. You're so colourful you're practically a rainbow. Wouldn't your mum love that ;)
ReplyDeleteT-Bird.
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